Tuesday, December 4, 2012

The Ghost Town


I’ve been rocking back and forth all night
In a chair of rope and vine.
My ear strains to catch an echoed sound
Of a song played in my mind.
Voices murmur eerily
From my mirrored parlor door.
I have grown so used to them
I pay mind to them no more.
The only movement left in town
Is the softest summer breeze.
The magnolias swaying to that old tune,
They put my mind at ease.
The problem is the old won’t go
So the new can move on in.
They may have all passed long ago
But they built this town of sin.
They’ll be damned if death with stop them
And I guess I feel the same.
My body’s weak but my soul is not
I’ll beat the devil at his game.
He’d love to have us all, we know
But I’ll be as strong as they.
And when I die I’ll stay right here
Until my judgment day. 

My Lonely Soul to Take




The ghosts that travel these southern streets,
The old as well as new,
Have gathered to haunt this ancient house
What am I to do?
I can hear them walk along my halls
They took my mirrors down.
But one promised me just last night
That death doesn’t make a sound.
I don’t know why they come to me
But each one has its needs.
Some search in vain for lovers lost
Others rebel against misdeeds.
All I can do is let them in
And open up my heart.
But none will speak of what they’ve seen
Or why they can’t depart.
It makes me wonder if it’s a trick
To lure me to the grave.
Red brick dust and a bible worn
Are all I have to save.
So if the midnight comes and swallows me
I’ll know this was my fate.
I’ll join with those who took my home
In the perils we create. 

Leading Him Away


I wanted to know if you recall
One night so long ago
When you promised me the sweetest dream
And told me I could go.
I can’t say you disappointed me.
We lived it for a while.
Yes, you remember those few years
I can see it in your smile.
You played music, I sang and danced,
We spoke of love and peace.
Old age could never touch us there
We had our sweet release.
Didn’t we, my brilliant love?
Oh yes, by god, we did.
It was before we knew how cruel life is
Before the secrets that we hid.
So pure and so innocent,
Those unreal summer days.
I want to take you back tonight
Out of your dying haze.
To hell with what the dawn might bring
Just take my aging hand.
Our hearts have always known the way
Back to our magic land. 

The Enchanted Box



The enchanted box you gave to me
With our favorite tune inside
I took it out last night, my love
To see what it might hide.
Leave it to a sorcerer
Such as you were then
To create a thing of memories
So I could go again.
There they were, once thought lost,
The days we threw away.
Laughing on the beach at night,
Making love all day.
You must have known when you left it here
Someday it would make me weep.
You can’t know how it felt to see us young
This close to my last sleep.
But also so much like you were
You forgot one part.
I couldn’t join the things you’d saved
So I just left my heart.
With a key made up of jewels and rust
I unlocked that dusty door.
The beat was strong when I took it out
I don’t need it anymore.
Maybe someday this box will find
Someone who needs it too.
They’ll see us in youth and they’ll find my heart,
They’ll think of me and you.
Until then it will sit in darkness on a shelf,
That precious soul-filled thing,
And my ghost will guard it next to yours
Till once more that box can sing. 

A Hippie Lover's Prayer


Your ghost won’t let me go these days
And it has me thinking clear
Of things I once gave up to time,
Things that you held dear.
The youth we praised, the love we shared
I never would have guessed
The day would come when you would go
And I’d be like the rest.
Since the night you left my trembling arms
I gave up dreams for gold.
I was young enough to be naïve
So those precious years I sold.
They pulsed with you and all you were,
All you meant to me.
Because you weren’t the one left behind
You’ve no right to disagree.
The ideas overdosed your mind, I think
They helped to knock you dead.
I feared so much I’d end the same
So I gave it up instead.
Don’t shake your head like you have a right!
You never had to live!
Those years that made you weary, worn
I’ve had thirty more to give.
Perhaps in that dream where we once stayed
I have longed to go.
But reality wouldn’t give me up
To the world I used to know.
Now my hair is white, my skin is broke
My time is drawing near.
And all I ask of you, old love
Is that you swear I need not fear.
Promise heaven is a ‘Frisco day
And Janis will sing her song.
I want to know that when I pass
With you I’ll go along.


5-7-06



I’ve waited for you oh so long
In this castle by the sea.
Made of bricks worn down by time
So much like you and me.
I listen to the waves crash on,
They’re whispering your name
Telling me that since you left
I haven’t been the same.
The angel you left over me
To protect me and to guide
Told me while we watched the moon
He’s sure to me you’ve lied.
That knight who stayed with us last spring
Said to me last night
“Put down that pen and take my sword!
He’s winning sure this fight!”
So, Prince Charming, is there truth
To what our friends have said?
Have you left me here all locked up tight
So you might be free instead?
If that is so I must explain
How it is I feel.
I don’t know what your stories said
But I won’t be made to kneel
Let alone to cry and beg;
You are so confused.
I was a wild one before you came
No way will I be used!
So take that charm and all your words
Ride out on your high horse!
An abandoned princess is not so bad
I suppose I could be worse.

Monday, September 17, 2012

The Trouble with Society


I am sick of people telling me
How I should live my life.
Home of the free, land of the brave,
But it’s all full of strife.
If you love a boy and you’re a boy
Then you can’t say I do.
If you take a drag outside your walls
Your whole damned life is through.
If you say this while they’re thinking that
Your mind they will destroy.
You are crucified and left alone
If you won’t be their toy.
Banish all abortions,
Snap your seatbelt tight.
And no one has said a fucking thing?
I tell you, it’s not right!
I’m sick of war and needless death
All the reasons why
We’re sending kids to foreign lands
Just to watch them die.
If this is our America
Built on blood and tears
Then Christ, I’d hate to see it
In another forty years.

*I wrote this when I was nineteen years old in response to some stuff that was rejected and demanded as a result of a local election (that was in '06) and I find it sad that many of these things are still true today. I remember writing it thinking things would have to get better...

12-27-07



Come with me to a secret place
No one will see us go.
It’s beautiful beyond your dreams,
At least for all I know.
I found it once but years have passed
God knows it could be changed.
A man I loved, he took me there
Before we were estranged.
Sunlight and the warmest breeze,
Flowers, fragrant, sweet.
It all warmed even his cold heart,
That first taste of defeat.
But that, as I said, was long ago
For all I know it’s dead.
Just like the love that once grew there
Living only in my head.
Still, it wouldn’t hurt to try
Let’s go there tonight.
So I can see just one more time
That brilliant lover’s light.


6-1-10



I feel I’m at a cross roads
With death upon my heel.
In this land of dreams and freight
It’s hard to say what’s real.
I see your smile across the edge,
From the mirror’s gaze
And just as quickly you are gone
Beyond the murky haze.
Clocks turned back, some move too fast
Each path, a different way.
If I can’t make out the real from fake
I’ll never see the day.
The moon is low, the sun burned out
This is an evil place.
You swore you’d follow anywhere
Why can’t I see your face?

8-11-09


                                             


Death knocked upon my door again,
He came to call last night.
We sat on the porch to have a chat
And watch the pink twilight.
“Your number’s up,” he said to me;
“But I’ve come to make a deal.
Pick another to take your place
And your life I will not steal.”
I shook my head and smiled bright.
“We’ve been through this before.
If you say that it’s my time to go
I need to hear no more.”
“Ah, but think of those who love you!”
He replied with innocence.
“How will they feel to visit you
Behind a fortress fence?”
I closed my eyes and took a breath,
He knew just where to aim.
“You took them all, you know you did
That much is still the same.
I would not choose another soul
With people who will mourn.
When I’ve nothing left to hold me here
Besides your hateful scorn.”
Holding up a bony finger
As if to prove a point
I listened for his next advance
And rubbed my achy joint.
“But it’s pain I’ve brought this time around.
Your end will not be nice.
You’ll suffer so and die alone
Are you sure you won’t think twice?”
By now the moon was rising
And I watched the darkened sky
As I thought of those, both friend and foe
That I could send to die.
“I do not fear the pain you’ll bring
I’ve hurt like hell for years.
We all die alone no matter what
I’ll not shed any tears.”
He knew he had been beaten,
He had no chips to throw.
This was a game we played so much,
He knew how it would go.
“No one to mourn, no mind my scorn
And you do not fear my pain.
It seems that life has left you here
To rot or go insane.
So I’ll go away and leave you be
But I’ll be back next fall.
You’ve won this round and the one before
But you cannot win them all.”
I watched him go and wondered how
A man with so much power
Could miss so much in all we said
In that brief and wasted hour.
It wasn’t life that left me there
In my shack by river’s end.
It was Death himself who walked away
When I needed most a friend.

Loneliness


I hear the train roar outside
Such a solitary thing.
I thought with freedom I could fly
Now I flap my broken wing.
My dream in life used to be
One of me alone.
No one there to bind me down
Where my wild seeds were sown.
I thought that I would be content
Just to live beneath the stars.
Now I sit alone in these four walls
And listen to the cars.
The life I dreamed up clearly changed
Since I first saw your eyes.
My sense of love has grown too deep
Since I first heard your cries.
My heart, it aches to be with you
As I lay here without your touch.
The night outside seems ominous
And the silence is too much.

Resentment


Here I go again
With all my memories of you
How stupid can I be,
Knowing everything you do?
Compassionless, without a soul
Do you even bleed?
Sitting around like some kind of god,
Too damned good to need.
I keep telling myself you’re not that great
And that I do believe.
But why can’t I escape your face
Or your wicked spineless deed?
You drained away my sanity,
You broke my bleeding heart.
You read my thoughts all too well
And tore my dreams apart.
With all of this kept in your mind
Can you answer me a riddle?
What would make me cling to you
And your false truths, so brittle?
Someday we’ll be dust in the wind
And then I will be free
Of all the things you’ll never do,
Of all you’ve done to me.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

The Trick of Death


The Witch stood on a burning cliff
Her hair alight with flame.
With arms outstretched to call the wind
She waited in the rain.
She’d never called the dead before
She thought it most unwise.
But only those so long passed on
Could answer her sharp cries.
The wolves all howled along their tune,
Thunder slammed its praise.
It seemed the angels and the Gods of death
Had nature in a daze.
Everything stood frozen, still
Spellbound in the night.
When Hades took her once warm hand
The Witch fell ill with freight.
Just like Athena in days of old
To each gate she was brought
And at each she stripped herself
Of all her mortal thought.
“Why is it that you came to me
When it is not your time?
Would you like for me to kiss your lips,
To claim you now as mine?”
Into dreadful eyes she stared
But she was braver still
“I’d like to know why you have claimed
The happiness I feel.
A mother, father, and my love
So recently have gone
But when you took my baby boy
I knew that you’d done wrong.”
He smiled at her wearily
It looked so damned bizarre
“Everything that lives must die
But it’s not the end by far.”
With that he kissed her tenderly.
It took her breath away.
“Now you can see all those you loved
Right here with us you’ll stay.”
She wept and wept for all to see
For many gathered near.
“I only wanted answers from you,
Not to die of fear!”

The Strange Wish



I want so much to lose my mind
To any given cause.
Just go about stark raving mad
Through dimly lighted halls.
The people all would whisper loud
Within their little group.
But I would laugh and point their way
The chickens in their coupe.
To hell with all society
No one knows what’s best.
So many say to live your life
And not bother with the rest.
Those same folks would worry, though
If a madman came to call.
Even if they adored his wit
They’d hope that no one saw.
Unlike most who aren’t quite right
That doesn’t bother me.
If there’s no rules to break or bind
How can you be free?
I would like to see the world go back
Perhaps one hundred years
So there would be so many ways
That I could live their fears.
Since no one is genteel enough
To be outraged by what I do
I’ll live inside my own strange world
Where it’s shocking to be true.

Confirming Whispered Rumors (Or, Yes, Virginia, I am insane)


You whisper that I am quite mad,
I can see that trait in me.
But it’s you who should be pitied
In your mundane misery.
I have moods so dark, so deep,
At times I’m on the brink.
And my pesky thoughts just won’t shut up
I hardly sleep a wink.
Then there are moments, too few to count
When I’m happy and content.
Even rarer than those, I think
When I feel I must repent.
I’m not too far gone to see your point.
I’m crazy as a loon.
Sometimes a soul must give up the day
To dance in the full moon.
If nothing else, I’m seldom bored.
Each day is a surprise.
I don’t know if I’m ill or well
Until I pick out my disguise.
In a blank white room, no one around
I can amuse my mind.
With all the trinkets in the world
You would still be blind.
So don’t offer me your sympathy
It’s you who needs it now.
You will never change your simple life
Your mind won’t show you how.

*This picture comes from a website I found while searching for something that would fit this poem. The site is actually dedicated to artists who were mentally ill including Henri de Toulouse Lautrec, the artist of this painting. His mental illness, ironically enough, was clinical depression. That was the diagnosis I was given as well in my teens and it was the depression and the insomnia that comes with it that led to this poem. Since I picked out the picture before I read about the artist, I thought that was an interesting tid bit to share. The link to the site, for anyone interested in seeing the work of artists you may know as well as their diagnosis is

The Good Witch's Resolution



Someday my prince will come
Sang Snow White hopefully
So sure that it would be that way,
Poor girl, she couldn’t see.
Like Sleeping Beauty laying still
With her kingdom sound asleep
How sad that it should take so long
Her true love was a creep.
But isn’t that the way it goes?
You wait and wait for years
But when love comes it’s not so sweet
You’re left in chains and tears.
To hell with that, I’ve had my fill.
I think I’m just worn out.
I’ve danced the balls and met the beasts
And walked away in doubt.
I’ll be the old witch in the woods
Her spells all brewing hot.
Magick stirring ‘round my house
To protect me from the lot.
That’s just fine, yes, grand indeed
In fact, it’s for the best.
My potent potion, the bright full moon,
I don’t need all the rest.

The Familiar Stranger



I’ve never seen you act this way
My God, you look so strange!
To see your new fake smile twist
It all seems so deranged!
The chill has come upon my soul
I’ve known you for so long.
Yet all I can think as I see you here
Is that everything is wrong.
I never thought I’d fear for you
But I don’t know what to say.
When you ask me why I’ve grown so pale
I want to walk away.
But what I’d really love to do right now
Is scream until I’m deaf
That this isn’t who you are inside
That there’s nothing of you left.
But propriety won’t let me
And I’m scared of your cruel gaze
So I’ll just say goodbye and shut the door
Just  forget our long lost days.