The Trouble with Society

I am sick of people telling me

How I should live my life.

Home of the free, land of the brave,

But it’s all full of strife.

If you love a boy and you’re a boy

Then you can’t say I do.

If you take a drag outside your walls

Your whole damned life is through.

If you say this while they’re thinking that

Your mind they will destroy.

You are crucified and left alone

If you won’t be their toy.

Banish all abortions,

Snap your seatbelt tight.

And no one has said a fucking thing?

I tell you, it’s not right!

I’m sick of war and needless death

All the reasons why

We’re sending kids to foreign lands

Just to watch them die.

If this is our America

Built on blood and tears

Then Christ, I’d hate to see it

In another forty years.

*I wrote this when I was nineteen years old in response to some stuff that was rejected and demanded as a result of a local election (that was in '06) and I find it sad that many of these things are still true today. I remember writing it thinking things would have to get better...

12-27-07

Come with me to a secret place

No one will see us go.

It’s beautiful beyond your dreams,

At least for all I know.

I found it once but years have passed

God knows it could be changed.

A man I loved, he took me there

Before we were estranged.

Sunlight and the warmest breeze,

Flowers, fragrant, sweet.

It all warmed even his cold heart,

That first taste of defeat.

But that, as I said, was long ago

For all I know it’s dead.

Just like the love that once grew there

Living only in my head.

Still, it wouldn’t hurt to try

Let’s go there tonight.

So I can see just one more time

That brilliant lover’s light.

6-1-10

I feel I’m at a cross roads

With death upon my heel.

In this land of dreams and freight

It’s hard to say what’s real.

I see your smile across the edge,

From the mirror’s gaze

And just as quickly you are gone

Beyond the murky haze.

Clocks turned back, some move too fast

Each path, a different way.

If I can’t make out the real from fake

I’ll never see the day.

The moon is low, the sun burned out

This is an evil place.

You swore you’d follow anywhere

Why can’t I see your face?

8-11-09

                                             

Death knocked upon my door again,

He came to call last night.

We sat on the porch to have a chat

And watch the pink twilight.

“Your number’s up,” he said to me;

“But I’ve come to make a deal.

Pick another to take your place

And your life I will not steal.”

I shook my head and smiled bright.

“We’ve been through this before.

If you say that it’s my time to go

I need to hear no more.”

“Ah, but think of those who love you!”

He replied with innocence.

“How will they feel to visit you

Behind a fortress fence?”

I closed my eyes and took a breath,

He knew just where to aim.

“You took them all, you know you did

That much is still the same.

I would not choose another soul

With people who will mourn.

When I’ve nothing left to hold me here

Besides your hateful scorn.”

Holding up a bony finger

As if to prove a point

I listened for his next advance

And rubbed my achy joint.

“But it’s pain I’ve brought this time around.

Your end will not be nice.

You’ll suffer so and die alone

Are you sure you won’t think twice?”

By now the moon was rising

And I watched the darkened sky

As I thought of those, both friend and foe

That I could send to die.

“I do not fear the pain you’ll bring

I’ve hurt like hell for years.

We all die alone no matter what

I’ll not shed any tears.”

He knew he had been beaten,

He had no chips to throw.

This was a game we played so much,

He knew how it would go.

“No one to mourn, no mind my scorn

And you do not fear my pain.

It seems that life has left you here

To rot or go insane.

So I’ll go away and leave you be

But I’ll be back next fall.

You’ve won this round and the one before

But you cannot win them all.”

I watched him go and wondered how

A man with so much power

Could miss so much in all we said

In that brief and wasted hour.

It wasn’t life that left me there

In my shack by river’s end.

It was Death himself who walked away

When I needed most a friend.

Loneliness

I hear the train roar outside

Such a solitary thing.

I thought with freedom I could fly

Now I flap my broken wing.

My dream in life used to be

One of me alone.

No one there to bind me down

Where my wild seeds were sown.

I thought that I would be content

Just to live beneath the stars.

Now I sit alone in these four walls

And listen to the cars.

The life I dreamed up clearly changed

Since I first saw your eyes.

My sense of love has grown too deep

Since I first heard your cries.

My heart, it aches to be with you

As I lay here without your touch.

The night outside seems ominous

And the silence is too much.

Resentment

Here I go again

With all my memories of you

How stupid can I be,

Knowing everything you do?

Compassionless, without a soul

Do you even bleed?

Sitting around like some kind of god,

Too damned good to need.

I keep telling myself you’re not that great

And that I do believe.

But why can’t I escape your face

Or your wicked spineless deed?

You drained away my sanity,

You broke my bleeding heart.

You read my thoughts all too well

And tore my dreams apart.

With all of this kept in your mind

Can you answer me a riddle?

What would make me cling to you

And your false truths, so brittle?

Someday we’ll be dust in the wind

And then I will be free

Of all the things you’ll never do,

Of all you’ve done to me.

The Trick of Death

The Witch stood on a burning cliff

Her hair alight with flame.

With arms outstretched to call the wind

She waited in the rain.

She’d never called the dead before

She thought it most unwise.

But only those so long passed on

Could answer her sharp cries.

The wolves all howled along their tune,

Thunder slammed its praise.

It seemed the angels and the Gods of death

Had nature in a daze.

Everything stood frozen, still

Spellbound in the night.

When Hades took her once warm hand

The Witch fell ill with freight.

Just like Athena in days of old

To each gate she was brought

And at each she stripped herself

Of all her mortal thought.

“Why is it that you came to me

When it is not your time?

Would you like for me to kiss your lips,

To claim you now as mine?”

Into dreadful eyes she stared

But she was braver still

“I’d like to know why you have claimed

The happiness I feel.

A mother, father, and my love

So recently have gone

But when you took my baby boy

I knew that you’d done wrong.”

He smiled at her wearily

It looked so damned bizarre

“Everything that lives must die

But it’s not the end by far.”

With that he kissed her tenderly.

It took her breath away.

“Now you can see all those you loved

Right here with us you’ll stay.”

She wept and wept for all to see

For many gathered near.

“I only wanted answers from you,

Not to die of fear!”

The Strange Wish

I want so much to lose my mind

To any given cause.

Just go about stark raving mad

Through dimly lighted halls.

The people all would whisper loud

Within their little group.

But I would laugh and point their way

The chickens in their coupe.

To hell with all society

No one knows what’s best.

So many say to live your life

And not bother with the rest.

Those same folks would worry, though

If a madman came to call.

Even if they adored his wit

They’d hope that no one saw.

Unlike most who aren’t quite right

That doesn’t bother me.

If there’s no rules to break or bind

How can you be free?

I would like to see the world go back

Perhaps one hundred years

So there would be so many ways

That I could live their fears.

Since no one is genteel enough

To be outraged by what I do

I’ll live inside my own strange world

Where it’s shocking to be true.

Confirming Whispered Rumors (Or, Yes, Virginia, I am insane)

You whisper that I am quite mad,

I can see that trait in me.

But it’s you who should be pitied

In your mundane misery.

I have moods so dark, so deep,

At times I’m on the brink.

And my pesky thoughts just won’t shut up

I hardly sleep a wink.

Then there are moments, too few to count

When I’m happy and content.

Even rarer than those, I think

When I feel I must repent.

I’m not too far gone to see your point.

I’m crazy as a loon.

Sometimes a soul must give up the day

To dance in the full moon.

If nothing else, I’m seldom bored.

Each day is a surprise.

I don’t know if I’m ill or well

Until I pick out my disguise.

In a blank white room, no one around

I can amuse my mind.

With all the trinkets in the world

You would still be blind.

So don’t offer me your sympathy

It’s you who needs it now.

You will never change your simple life

Your mind won’t show you how.

*This picture comes from a website I found while searching for something that would fit this poem. The site is actually dedicated to artists who were mentally ill including Henri de Toulouse Lautrec, the artist of this painting. His mental illness, ironically enough, was clinical depression. That was the diagnosis I was given as well in my teens and it was the depression and the insomnia that comes with it that led to this poem. Since I picked out the picture before I read about the artist, I thought that was an interesting tid bit to share. The link to the site, for anyone interested in seeing the work of artists you may know as well as their diagnosis is

http://www.findingoptimism.com/blog/reviews/art-by-the-famous-mentally-ill/

The Good Witch's Resolution

Someday my prince will come

Sang Snow White hopefully

So sure that it would be that way,

Poor girl, she couldn’t see.

Like Sleeping Beauty laying still

With her kingdom sound asleep

How sad that it should take so long

Her true love was a creep.

But isn’t that the way it goes?

You wait and wait for years

But when love comes it’s not so sweet

You’re left in chains and tears.

To hell with that, I’ve had my fill.

I think I’m just worn out.

I’ve danced the balls and met the beasts

And walked away in doubt.

I’ll be the old witch in the woods

Her spells all brewing hot.

Magick stirring ‘round my house

To protect me from the lot.

That’s just fine, yes, grand indeed

In fact, it’s for the best.

My potent potion, the bright full moon,

I don’t need all the rest.

The Familiar Stranger

I’ve never seen you act this way

My God, you look so strange!

To see your new fake smile twist

It all seems so deranged!

The chill has come upon my soul

I’ve known you for so long.

Yet all I can think as I see you here

Is that everything is wrong.

I never thought I’d fear for you

But I don’t know what to say.

When you ask me why I’ve grown so pale

I want to walk away.

But what I’d really love to do right now

Is scream until I’m deaf

That this isn’t who you are inside

That there’s nothing of you left.

But propriety won’t let me

And I’m scared of your cruel gaze

So I’ll just say goodbye and shut the door

Just  forget our long lost days.