Loneliness

I hear the train roar outside

Such a solitary thing.

I thought with freedom I could fly

Now I flap my broken wing.

My dream in life used to be

One of me alone.

No one there to bind me down

Where my wild seeds were sown.

I thought that I would be content

Just to live beneath the stars.

Now I sit alone in these four walls

And listen to the cars.

The life I dreamed up clearly changed

Since I first saw your eyes.

My sense of love has grown too deep

Since I first heard your cries.

My heart, it aches to be with you

As I lay here without your touch.

The night outside seems ominous

And the silence is too much.

Resentment

Here I go again

With all my memories of you

How stupid can I be,

Knowing everything you do?

Compassionless, without a soul

Do you even bleed?

Sitting around like some kind of god,

Too damned good to need.

I keep telling myself you’re not that great

And that I do believe.

But why can’t I escape your face

Or your wicked spineless deed?

You drained away my sanity,

You broke my bleeding heart.

You read my thoughts all too well

And tore my dreams apart.

With all of this kept in your mind

Can you answer me a riddle?

What would make me cling to you

And your false truths, so brittle?

Someday we’ll be dust in the wind

And then I will be free

Of all the things you’ll never do,

Of all you’ve done to me.

The Trick of Death

The Witch stood on a burning cliff

Her hair alight with flame.

With arms outstretched to call the wind

She waited in the rain.

She’d never called the dead before

She thought it most unwise.

But only those so long passed on

Could answer her sharp cries.

The wolves all howled along their tune,

Thunder slammed its praise.

It seemed the angels and the Gods of death

Had nature in a daze.

Everything stood frozen, still

Spellbound in the night.

When Hades took her once warm hand

The Witch fell ill with freight.

Just like Athena in days of old

To each gate she was brought

And at each she stripped herself

Of all her mortal thought.

“Why is it that you came to me

When it is not your time?

Would you like for me to kiss your lips,

To claim you now as mine?”

Into dreadful eyes she stared

But she was braver still

“I’d like to know why you have claimed

The happiness I feel.

A mother, father, and my love

So recently have gone

But when you took my baby boy

I knew that you’d done wrong.”

He smiled at her wearily

It looked so damned bizarre

“Everything that lives must die

But it’s not the end by far.”

With that he kissed her tenderly.

It took her breath away.

“Now you can see all those you loved

Right here with us you’ll stay.”

She wept and wept for all to see

For many gathered near.

“I only wanted answers from you,

Not to die of fear!”

The Strange Wish

I want so much to lose my mind

To any given cause.

Just go about stark raving mad

Through dimly lighted halls.

The people all would whisper loud

Within their little group.

But I would laugh and point their way

The chickens in their coupe.

To hell with all society

No one knows what’s best.

So many say to live your life

And not bother with the rest.

Those same folks would worry, though

If a madman came to call.

Even if they adored his wit

They’d hope that no one saw.

Unlike most who aren’t quite right

That doesn’t bother me.

If there’s no rules to break or bind

How can you be free?

I would like to see the world go back

Perhaps one hundred years

So there would be so many ways

That I could live their fears.

Since no one is genteel enough

To be outraged by what I do

I’ll live inside my own strange world

Where it’s shocking to be true.

Confirming Whispered Rumors (Or, Yes, Virginia, I am insane)

You whisper that I am quite mad,

I can see that trait in me.

But it’s you who should be pitied

In your mundane misery.

I have moods so dark, so deep,

At times I’m on the brink.

And my pesky thoughts just won’t shut up

I hardly sleep a wink.

Then there are moments, too few to count

When I’m happy and content.

Even rarer than those, I think

When I feel I must repent.

I’m not too far gone to see your point.

I’m crazy as a loon.

Sometimes a soul must give up the day

To dance in the full moon.

If nothing else, I’m seldom bored.

Each day is a surprise.

I don’t know if I’m ill or well

Until I pick out my disguise.

In a blank white room, no one around

I can amuse my mind.

With all the trinkets in the world

You would still be blind.

So don’t offer me your sympathy

It’s you who needs it now.

You will never change your simple life

Your mind won’t show you how.

*This picture comes from a website I found while searching for something that would fit this poem. The site is actually dedicated to artists who were mentally ill including Henri de Toulouse Lautrec, the artist of this painting. His mental illness, ironically enough, was clinical depression. That was the diagnosis I was given as well in my teens and it was the depression and the insomnia that comes with it that led to this poem. Since I picked out the picture before I read about the artist, I thought that was an interesting tid bit to share. The link to the site, for anyone interested in seeing the work of artists you may know as well as their diagnosis is

http://www.findingoptimism.com/blog/reviews/art-by-the-famous-mentally-ill/

The Good Witch's Resolution

Someday my prince will come

Sang Snow White hopefully

So sure that it would be that way,

Poor girl, she couldn’t see.

Like Sleeping Beauty laying still

With her kingdom sound asleep

How sad that it should take so long

Her true love was a creep.

But isn’t that the way it goes?

You wait and wait for years

But when love comes it’s not so sweet

You’re left in chains and tears.

To hell with that, I’ve had my fill.

I think I’m just worn out.

I’ve danced the balls and met the beasts

And walked away in doubt.

I’ll be the old witch in the woods

Her spells all brewing hot.

Magick stirring ‘round my house

To protect me from the lot.

That’s just fine, yes, grand indeed

In fact, it’s for the best.

My potent potion, the bright full moon,

I don’t need all the rest.

The Familiar Stranger

I’ve never seen you act this way

My God, you look so strange!

To see your new fake smile twist

It all seems so deranged!

The chill has come upon my soul

I’ve known you for so long.

Yet all I can think as I see you here

Is that everything is wrong.

I never thought I’d fear for you

But I don’t know what to say.

When you ask me why I’ve grown so pale

I want to walk away.

But what I’d really love to do right now

Is scream until I’m deaf

That this isn’t who you are inside

That there’s nothing of you left.

But propriety won’t let me

And I’m scared of your cruel gaze

So I’ll just say goodbye and shut the door

Just  forget our long lost days.